In My Feelings

Preach sister preach.

No matter how many times I try to etch over memories of you, my brain still falls back to it’s old familiar place.

A place with no pain and no bad memories.

No fights, no ugly text, no leaving me and the future life we planned to build.

Sometimes it’s a familiar saying that sends me back.

Other times its just a word.

Once in a while it comes in the middle of the night in between the tears as I mumble “I’m sorry” over and over into a pillow that never feels as good as the real thing.

I squeeze my eyes tight, pull that pillow close and hope to hear your heartbeat again.

It never comes.

The laughs are gone, so are the smiles, but the memories still remain.

No amount of booze or drugs silences them forever and try as I might I can’t ever seem to fully erase them either.

They say that time heals all wounds, but I think that they are fucking liars.

Time only serves to show you your mistakes, the repercussions of them, and how far the life you live now is from the one you said you never wanted.

I’d give up everything to have that life again.

But it’s too late my friend.

That old life is broken beyond repair.

The only thing I can do now is continue to trudge along day by day and hope that the sands of time begin to eventually wear those memories down as I try to build a life without you, with what’s left of me.

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